Meditation Isssssss

Meditation is the practice of clearing one’s mind for complete relaxation. I think. I don’t have a real definition or anything. Hell, I could say that meditation is going “oooaaammmm” over and over again until you annoy the hell out of someone. But meditation is a thing of self. Meditation is focusing on one’s self and blocking out all other parts of the world. Not hearing anything. No stress, no distractions, no school work, no financial worries, no disease, no hunger. Meditation is just being at peace with the world as it is. Meditation is being at peace with your place in the world as it is. Meditation is cool. Cool-looking. Meditation is me not liking to write about things in a “free” manner. Especially with no real knowledge, care, or direction about it. Meditation is freeing. Writing this free write could be a form of meditation…

When I…

Initially, when I think of meditation, I see a bald, middle-aged Asian guy sitting cross-legged in a dim room  full of candles and fall colored curtains hanging from the ceiling. He is completely silent except for a slight humming sound he make so faintly that you’d have to be right up next to his face to hear it. I also think of my best friend back home who always says I should try meditating to relax my stress because “It helps me a lot!”. I’ve tried. I think its a bunch of bull stuff. Not necessarily in it’s entirety, just doesn’t work for me. It is impossible for the brain to stop working, stop thinking, so that stuff about “clearing your mind” and “thinking of nothing” is virtually impossible. It seems peaceful though. Being able to meditate. If I could meditate I would do it twice a day. Once before coming to this god-awful class (and all of the other ones), and once before doing the homework for this god-awful class (and all of the other ones). I often panic at the thought of doing any form of work other than cooking, so I’m sure meditation would help calm me if it wasn’t a load.

When I think of meditation I think of relaxation, serenity, quiet, peace, emptiness, refreshers, “oooaammmmm”. Oh yeah, you’re supposed to only think of that sound you’re making right? Okay, maybe I could try meditating one day. But I think I’d do it to an instrumental on repeat. Focusing only on the music. Only on the sounds. But of course I can’t do that here. Its so loud here compared to home. I want to go home…

Back on track. When I think of meditation I think of India.

Ceremony

The first fifty pages of Ceremony by Leslie Marmon Silko were a real struggle for me to read. I love reading and this book was one of the most boring thing that I have ever picked up. The author used way too many details in my opinion. I was confused right from the start. There were short Native American “folktales” I guess you would call them in between random paragraphs of the novel that caused me not only to lose track of the story, but of the main character. I hardly ever knew where exactly he was or understood just what he was doing at the time. What time was it anyways? The setting jumped to so many different places in such a dull, not-so-transitional way that I could hardly hold the book up, whereas most other books I can hardly put down! I was not impressed with the start of the story, because it often failed to hold my attention until I literally sat down and forced myself to read it.

I was, however, impressed with Silko’s use of sensory details. I can understand that she wanted her readers to be inside the story and feel everything that the main character was feeling (I think). I like sensory detail just as much as the next book lover, and walking through the minds and eyes of the characters is like going on vacation for me, but this journey was more like one that you’d take through a desert. A dry, lonely desert where you notice every grain  of sand and take notes on them. I will admit though that as I read along further, I gradually began to understand more about Tayo (the main character) and his position in his world. I understood that he was just as confused, lost, and broken as I was trying to read about him. He was on a farm. He was on a war battlefield in Japan. He was at a mental institution or hospital. Seemingly all at once and light years apart “at the same d**n time”!

Tayo seems to be deeply connected to his roots, his heritage, his town, and to his family. He talks a great deal about lost loved ones who kind of left empty voids/spaces in his life and more literally in his heart. Each member of his family is described with great detail so readers, like myself, can see exactly what the characters must have looked like to him. This type of detail, I appreciate. But when you get into explaining the crevasses on a cow’s arse without any general purpose, I start to get annoyed. The only explanation I could give myself for the author’s over explaining everything is that maybe that’s how Tayo saw the world. Maybe paying attention to and thinking about every little thing was the only thing that kept him grounded during the days and nights in such a drunken, traditionally deep-rooted town like his. No one seems to see Tayo in this town. I mean the other characters acknowledge his presence, but no one seems to know or care that he is hurting other than his blind grandmother. Irony.

Freewrite 9/11/12

What is equality? True equality is not something that we as people are all too familiar with. Being equal is having no boundaries; social, economic etc., because of race, ethnicity, economic status, unique identity, or anything else for that matter. If everyone was considered to be equal there would be no politics, honor students, or elite professions. We all feel joy and pain in an equal way. In the story Ceremony by Leslie Harmon Silko, the main character, Tayo, is faced with inequality by the people in his family, his village, his town, and even his country. Very few characters seem to see that Tayo is just a man who is hurting. Not an Indian, not a ‘mixed breed’, not a war survivor, not an alcoholic, not the son of the villages disgrace. Even when he is all of these things they do not make Tayo, or any other person inferior because of what they’ve gone through. Everyone’s story holds a battle, whether it be the same battle has no impact on TRUE equality., just on what the world thinks equality is. Equality is so many things…